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Hurt and Heartache


As a parent, some of the words we will most likely hear from our children at some point are phrases such as, "I want daddy!" "I don't like you!" and, "Go Away." I'm raising 4 children and they aren't even that old, and I have already heard some of these phrases- most recently, "I want daddy!" from my 3 year old Phoenix.

Steven, my wonderful husband, has become a stay at home dad. Not really by choice, but for now this is what he does. Little Phoenut doesn't go out a whole lot, and he is ALWAYS with daddy. Plus, daddy has a hard time saying, "No!" Plus, he's just more comfortable with his dad now. They stay home and watch Fire engine and diesel trucks and Big machines on DVD, watch some nick JR. Play outside together, and nap together. It's the daddy and Phoenix show.

It used to be the mommy and Phoenix Show! He was my snugly little guy who would always come to me for everything. So, I must be honest and say my heart was hurt when I had to punish him the other day for being disobedient. As I walk him to his bed he is sobbing and saying, "I want daddy. I want daddy." I took my sweet boy to his room and put him on his bed and talked to him about not listening to mommy. I then told him, "I know you want daddy. But mommy is here and I love you." His response deepened the wound to my heart; "I don't love you." I knew in my heart he was simply angry and he didn't know how to express his frustrations. I explained to him that he holds such a special place in my heart and even when he is angry with me, and that he will always be my little Phoenix.

After that, we prayed together and he was much happier and he informed me, "I love you mommy, I your Phoenix." gave me a hug and went on his happy little way.

I know that this will not always be the case, it won't be that simple to change their minds, and that's ok. I'm preparing my heart now for the future. But for now, I simply love them and teach them how to work through their anger and frustrations, and I accept what they tell me, because those are their feelings. I can only try to lead by example and pray that I am the best mother that Arcadia, Eireland, Tristan and Phoenix could have.

Below is a picture of my little guys on 4th of July, they are the light of my life and bring me so much joy. Even when they don't like me.

Stay classy!

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