My Left me introduce you to my little Arcadia. She's 12, independent, pretty, too smart for her own good, determined, absent minded, brilliant, my first born, and perhaps most important, she's in 7th grade.
Something happens to kids between 6th and 7th grade that there is almost no explanation for- short of aliens abducting their brains one summer night as they sleep. They turn into these...people with opinions and thoughts and the desire for more and more independence. It's as if they have something to prove to themselves; that they can make decisions on their own!
I realized Arcadia's brain had been abducted one summer night recently when I companied her on her first Future Diamondbacks (it's a school club) field trip; a UCLA Going to College Fair and football game at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California. I experienced my very first shunning from my junior high daughter.
Let me set the stage here- I wasn't hovering over her, forcing her to hold my hand and skip along the was as we might have done if she was 6, no, I have her space. I watched from a distance with another mom who is my eyes and ears at the school. I have Arcadia money when she politely asked, and watched her do her thing. When we went I to the stadium, I allowed her to sit three rows ahead of me with her group of friends. Took her to buy her dinner, which I might add, was not cheap! I wanted to make her experience as enjoyable as possible. I wanted to take a picture of her and her friends. Mind you, I had already had one taken of her and I together, her and her uncle, and a couple of others- why would this be any different?
As I stood there, urging her and her friends to gather together and smile so I could capture this moment, all seemed to be going well. Right? After I took the photo, that's when it all happened. There it was, like it happened in slow motion, there was the eye roll.
Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly sarcastic and I also happen to find myself ridiculously funny. So I have been on the receiving end of my kids' eye rolls since they knew how to roll their eyes. But I saw it, I knew it, this one was different. And then I watched the words come out of her mouth, and literally stood there in shock. "Oh my gosh, my mom is so annoying." There it was. I was so beyond hurt that I didn't know what to do other than pretend the photo moment was over, and retreat back to my seat to try and figure out what just happened.
I sat there, feeling self righteous. Hadn't I just given her everything she wanted today? I took time off from serving at church- at her request to attend. I paid for the tickets, all the things she wanted to buy, dinner, we took a special trip to Target to get her glow sticks so she could share them with her friends. What JUST happened?
Arcadia is my first child, we are learning together, I haven't parented a 12 year old before, and I was at a loss as to how to respond. But no matter what, she had hurt my feelings and had been disrespectful, and no matter how harmless the issue needed to be addressed. So I sent her a text- right then and there at the football game. I was simply honest with her. I told her I saw what she said (I say saw, because I can read lips, it's part of my job.) and it had hurt me probably way deeper than she thought it might hurt me. I told her that I wasn't angry, I was just hurt. I get it, I'm mom. I'm not the coolest person- thank goodness Phoenix is 4 and thinks I'm awesome. But even so, I deserved respect, and after all she had invited me to come along with her.
In the end, it wasn't about punishment, it was about a common respect, it was about her understanding I want her to be a part of my life as much she wants me to be a part of hers. To us, it was about finding a balance between too much and not enough involvement. I learned a lot about myself and she learned a lot about herself through this.
Needless to say, guess who road home in the seat next to me on the bus? My little Arcadia. Who has agreed that I may be annoying and continue to take photos of her and her friends as long as I live.
On an ending note- I'm so blessed by the girl Arcadia is. I am honored to be her mom, to watch her grow up and navigate making decisions, to see how she is in junior high. She is amazing, she has a 4.0, she's involved, she has goals, she plays the oboe, the violin and the piano, and is looking for her next instrument because she wants to be a member of the USC Marching Band in 6 years. In reality, it could be much worse than the eye rolling. :) I love that kid more than she knows.
Something happens to kids between 6th and 7th grade that there is almost no explanation for- short of aliens abducting their brains one summer night as they sleep. They turn into these...people with opinions and thoughts and the desire for more and more independence. It's as if they have something to prove to themselves; that they can make decisions on their own!
I realized Arcadia's brain had been abducted one summer night recently when I companied her on her first Future Diamondbacks (it's a school club) field trip; a UCLA Going to College Fair and football game at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California. I experienced my very first shunning from my junior high daughter.
Let me set the stage here- I wasn't hovering over her, forcing her to hold my hand and skip along the was as we might have done if she was 6, no, I have her space. I watched from a distance with another mom who is my eyes and ears at the school. I have Arcadia money when she politely asked, and watched her do her thing. When we went I to the stadium, I allowed her to sit three rows ahead of me with her group of friends. Took her to buy her dinner, which I might add, was not cheap! I wanted to make her experience as enjoyable as possible. I wanted to take a picture of her and her friends. Mind you, I had already had one taken of her and I together, her and her uncle, and a couple of others- why would this be any different?
As I stood there, urging her and her friends to gather together and smile so I could capture this moment, all seemed to be going well. Right? After I took the photo, that's when it all happened. There it was, like it happened in slow motion, there was the eye roll.
Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly sarcastic and I also happen to find myself ridiculously funny. So I have been on the receiving end of my kids' eye rolls since they knew how to roll their eyes. But I saw it, I knew it, this one was different. And then I watched the words come out of her mouth, and literally stood there in shock. "Oh my gosh, my mom is so annoying." There it was. I was so beyond hurt that I didn't know what to do other than pretend the photo moment was over, and retreat back to my seat to try and figure out what just happened.
I sat there, feeling self righteous. Hadn't I just given her everything she wanted today? I took time off from serving at church- at her request to attend. I paid for the tickets, all the things she wanted to buy, dinner, we took a special trip to Target to get her glow sticks so she could share them with her friends. What JUST happened?
Arcadia is my first child, we are learning together, I haven't parented a 12 year old before, and I was at a loss as to how to respond. But no matter what, she had hurt my feelings and had been disrespectful, and no matter how harmless the issue needed to be addressed. So I sent her a text- right then and there at the football game. I was simply honest with her. I told her I saw what she said (I say saw, because I can read lips, it's part of my job.) and it had hurt me probably way deeper than she thought it might hurt me. I told her that I wasn't angry, I was just hurt. I get it, I'm mom. I'm not the coolest person- thank goodness Phoenix is 4 and thinks I'm awesome. But even so, I deserved respect, and after all she had invited me to come along with her.
In the end, it wasn't about punishment, it was about a common respect, it was about her understanding I want her to be a part of my life as much she wants me to be a part of hers. To us, it was about finding a balance between too much and not enough involvement. I learned a lot about myself and she learned a lot about herself through this.
Needless to say, guess who road home in the seat next to me on the bus? My little Arcadia. Who has agreed that I may be annoying and continue to take photos of her and her friends as long as I live.
On an ending note- I'm so blessed by the girl Arcadia is. I am honored to be her mom, to watch her grow up and navigate making decisions, to see how she is in junior high. She is amazing, she has a 4.0, she's involved, she has goals, she plays the oboe, the violin and the piano, and is looking for her next instrument because she wants to be a member of the USC Marching Band in 6 years. In reality, it could be much worse than the eye rolling. :) I love that kid more than she knows.
My Junior higher, Arcadia and I. <3
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